?

I'm not sure where I am when it comes to locating my progress. Some days I just wake up wanting to just do nothing but breathe and stare. I get so absorbed in my neverending thought cycles, it's hard to really appreciate anything else. Ive been such a downer lately. I keep trying to convince myself that all these changes made in my life = progress. but who am i fooling? the new becomes the old-so they say.

I just need to find a way to enjoy it all again. I need to take it all in for what it really is- opportunities.

im just forgetful. I'm so blessed that I forget every single day what a blessing it is to really be alive. Not just alive, but ..alive and healthy. Imagine the struggles and pain if i lost a limb or an arm.

I need to remind myself everyday, "A little less attitude, and a lot more gratitude"

+++

All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.

I am fully aware of the impact my parents had on my life-good or bad. I am not in denial with myself.. it's still a struggle everyday. It's a struggle to wake up every morning trying to accept the day for what it is and nothing more. It's hard trying to get past the anger and bitterness. It's hard trying to get over the fear that my life in all aspects-social, personal, professional- do not end up in line with their paths. God forbid, even parallel to the paths they took.

But everyday, it is a push. It's the extra step. It's that one more drop of sweat to ensure a sense of security. To make sure that i dont fall in love they way they have... or just fall at all. but then..my real security lies in knowing that if and when i do fall, they will be there to make sure that my fall will be the most cushioned and that my ass will always be secured.

Their shared life together is what i dread, but they are what i hope to accomplish in the end. -strugglers who made it