?

I've recently discovered a new musician that one of my acquaintances is affiliated with.

I wish I encompassed a musical talent. A maestro of piano, violin, cello, harp, vocals, harmonica, drums, etc etc. Or even perfect the ability to make mashups or perfectly match a song for a particular moment/scene or a person.

'oh oh oh oooho o o~'

Above all, I want to be capable of singing in a way that it could melt someone's heart. Instead my vocals are only capable of shattering one. Boo.

***

I was making a list of the things I would strive to or maybe even will accomplish one day. The list is pretty long, but they all fit chronologically together.

Sometimes I wonder how I've become so ambitious? or rather, why did God make me so ambitious?

It's startling to stare at my future goals at hands. Makes my mouth water just by the thought that maybe one day this could be all mine--with the help of the Father of course.

But as I continue my train of thought... I always end up doubting myself. I mean, how far is too far? Will I ever know how where my limit lies before I surpass it? Or, am I over extending my boundaries to places I should never enter?

All these questions board onto my train of thought, entering and taking its seat as it travels through life. Chug-a chug-a choo choo.

None of these questions matter now. The train continues on to its destination.

But the only question that matters can be seen in the distance ahead.

'What's holding me back?'

It's the bridge that connects the now to the later. Answer it incorrectly, the bridge collapse. Find the answer, overcome the bridge.

---> The hardest obstacle to overcome is myself. I am filled with contradictory, self-pity, fickleness, confusion, self search, self worth, and self doubt. The only person I know so well is myself. It's like looking into a tinted window. Look at myself from where I'm standing, everything is transparent. Step aside and see what other see me, you get nothing. Nothing but you're reflection. I'm not saying that I am a spitting image of the one who sees me, nor do I conform to what you see. But, no one will ever see myself the way I do.

I know myself to be this person I am today, but what scares me most is not knowing the person I will be tomorrow.