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I don't want to live my life oblivious to the world's pain and suffering. I don't know how to comprehend how one could live one's life avoiding such matters.

People may say that I have come this far acknowledging my desires to make a difference in a finite world where past infinity, nothing seems to matters. Yet, I wake up with this disappointed feeling in my gut. The 'could haves' 'would haves' and of course the 'should haves'.

I have to stop this train of thought that will only lead to dead ends in my life. I need to stop making excuses, 'I'm only 19, I have my whole life ahead of me..'

Yes, I am only 19. 19 years spent doing what?

It's very hard for me to express myself to my family. It's sometimes heartbreaking to know that I come from a place that strives on gaining money...to know that my dad's only definition of success is equivalent to the amount of money and status one has.

Sometimes I wonder how my dad reflects upon his life when he has neither $ nor position. Does he consider himself a failure? or does his big korean ego block him from seeing himself the way he should. I guess in a way i pity him and in a way tolerate him for what he is- oblivious.

Oblivious..

TBc.