Insomnia.

This entry will be dedicated to sleep.

Sleeping is seriously one of life's BIGGEST pleasures. Not so much mine though..I have developed a sleeping problem. No, the the usual "I fall asleep at 4am and wake up at 2pm" bullshit. Sometimes, I get really tired but I can't seem to drift away into that peaceful black nothingness. Just last week I tossed and turned for a record of 6 hours. No computer, no book, no phone, no lights. Just literal tossing and turning, putting my legs out of my blanket, spooning my second pillow. I even use the sad method of counting sheeps, but by number 25 I began to think about where my imaginary sheeps go. And so my thought about sheeps continue.. and by that time I get so angry and frustrated with all these unanswered questions. How do i sleep then? I have to be actively doing something (essay works the best) and be dead tired where my eyes keep closing on me and climb on my bed and just KTFO. I can't consciously DECIDE to sleep b/c then i will be staring for hours at my ceiling that's not even visible from the darkness. And then usually by 3-4 am, I climb down my bed from frustration of feeing like a unproductive ogre and go on my computer. Once my computers opens up later than 3, I WILL not sleep until 5am. Then when i do finally finish the very slow process of falling sleep, my alarm wakes me up an hour later for class which REALLY gets my nerves since it took about me about 9 hours to sleep.I'll try not to be such a girl. That is probably one of my worser nights.
But man, how things changed.
Although I have had this same twin size bed, since kindergarden, my sleeping patterns have definitely changed. I used to be able to bury myself under my blankets and then just knock out and wake up w/the best dreams. Maybe I've outgrown this bed... Whatever it is.. I still cant sleep.
So i find myself blogging in 2 different sites about 2 different things. Just a bunch of things that needs to get off my mind, which does comfort me somewhat.
It's not that even college is on my mind. Honestly, yes i do think about it time to time, ONLY WHEN YOU HOES BRING IT UP, but other than that it doesnt consume my daily thought. I swear, i have had 100000000000000000000 conversations today that began with "did you hear back from?" "did you check your?" "did you know this person got into ?" "i got rejected from? did you?" "where did you apply again?"
all i can say is.
we are dull. we are very very dull people. YES college is the future. BUT it aint the only way to a future. JEEBUS CHRIST i swear. sometimes i just want to skip school to avoid these conversations.

Honest to blog, i dont think half of us care about where others have got in. Maybe just for gossiping purposes, but mainly we ask for comparing purposes. We start asking the kids, who have gotten accepted, questions about their gpa sat scores extracurricular.. blabla.. and then we create this standard for ourselves. A standard made according to those kids, who have been accepted. No, we are individuals. We are completely unique, only we know our capabilities and limits. Do not limit yourself to that standard. You are not them and they are not you.
Lets stop all this bullshit nonsense talk. who are we to judge who is good and who is not good enough to be accepted.

One thing is for sure, I am not telling anyone where i get in and where i dont get in. I will let you know my final decision when and if it can be made.

Thats all.

peace out homosapiens time to check my xanga.