stuck in traffic

i cant seem to find the picture i want to xpress how i feel right now.

No matter how many times i try to progress my life forward, i find myself here once again. Im stuck. I feel like those pictures where one thing or person is standing still, but the surroundings are moving.. just .. moving on with their lives.. but that one person/thing is standing there.. standing in that traffic.

we're all just standing in traffic. but I'm stuck here. I remember i made that list of what i need to look in a guy around new years time (i even posted it in my blog) and .. the very next week i didnt follow it. I'm so stupid. I'm not as independent as other people see me as. Yes, i have many friends, but i dont have many close friends. So then i find myself depending on a guy .. i find myself settling for less. i settle for less because its nice to have someone to just listen to your problems. its nice to have someone you can call without fear of rejection. its nice to have someone you can just go to when youre bored. its nice to always know that no matter wat happens, theres this person you can just vent to. I know that for others, they have friends for that. but for me, i dont have that many girlfriends. and there is a difference between guy friends, and a boy friend. There's a limit to what a guy friend can hear up to.. but w/a boyfriend its limitless.

but not anymore. I'm going to find myself before i find another. Im not going to be stuck here in this traffic anymore. I cant stand here.. i dont want to be like those pictures where im the one standing and everyone else is moving.. their images blurred.

However, i need some sort of direction.. and sadly i find myself being dependent again. except this time, im depending on acceptance letters. Please dont except me but accept me.

Everytime i meet more of myself, i find that i am not who i am. Or i am not what others wish/perceive/want me to be.