I want to not feel bad that I ended up at Santa Monica.
There are so many things I wish I could change in my life. Why is money made up to be everything? There's no one to point fingers at, we're all in this together. I just really hope/wish someone will prove me wrong at my new found home. I'm finally leaving Irvine, for a completely new and different life. I dont know what to think anymore. I'm honestly scared. Irvine has made me feel too safe, and now that ill be escaping this little narrowminded city, I'm not sure what kind of precautions i need to take before arriving.
Blah.
Maybe this will be good for me. Finally get my life on track and just focus on that one determined voice in my head. This is all for me. I'm not leaving to meet my special someone, nor am i leaving to make a new set of friends. I'm just escaping my past (not forgetting it) and trying to move forward. I just feel so stuck here. The people are the same, everyone knows everyone and everything. Everything seems so stationary.

***

On the other hand, I'm sort of excited. I'm looking forward to the different aspects of becoming and Independent woman.
Finally being able to decorate my room w/o the cheesy pink curtains and unmatching bed sheets, pillow cases, and blankets.

I think one of the biggest reasons i dislike staying home, is because the decoration,furniture,color.. just everything about it is ugly.I cant stand to be in a place where its ugly inside and out. My home reflects the kind of person I am.

Start with the inside, make it simple, clean, fresh, classy. Then work on the outside of my life.

Peace comes from within, they say.

Peace starts with home, i say.

***

College boys are not that different from Highschool boys. They are merely a repeat of what we dealt with in highschool. Trust me, the older they get, the more perverted they are.. Maybe until they reach the age of 25-30? Somewhere around there, they begin to realize that "getting some" isnt everything. Actually, maybe 30+.

Boys will always be boys.

We're always asking, Where are the men at?

And i started to see a trend. The mature ones always seem to be the ones that are devoted to God, don't play games, looking to work hard towards the future, not hitting on girls. It's true, usually the mature ones don't hit on girls. They tend to become interested in a girl through conversation.

None of that nonsense." I called him yday, he should call me today.", "OH! he added me on facebook and we've been commenting each other..", "we flirt"

Its so obvious both male and female are afraid of admitting their feelings for one another First.

I'm so over this bullshit.

If you like me, you like me. Dont need no technological device to tell me that.

Say it yourself.

Now thats a real man

I think thats what im waiting for.

A man with conversation. We have so little of that these days.

And by conversation, i mean. . . we start our sparks through what we talk about, not by the flirting nonsense you guys craze over.

Conversation. Conversation about religion, emotions, reality, fear, desires, hope, aspirations.

When did we become so bland?