Twenty years, it's breaking you down

now that you understand there's no one around

Take a breath, just take a seat

you're falling apart and tearing at the seams

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

It's on your face, is it on your mind

would you care to build a house of your own

How much longer, how long can you wait

It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away

***

As most people know me, I'm pretty anti-marriage. I just dont think marriage is me.

I mean by all means, if youre in love, go for it. But marriage doesnt work for everyone.

I just think that society today, have ruined that sacred aspect of marriage.

Marriage is a bond made between a man and a woman in love. It's a contract that's meant to last forever.

But with the existence of divorce, most couples today, feel secure. They know that if all fails, there's always divorce.

So sometimes, i feel that couples today, marry out of impulse. By that i mean, they marry, with the knowledge that there is always a back up plan.

But marriage changes everything for jsut about everyone. It changes you, it changes him/her. And its a change for the future generation.

Maybe its because I missed out on the loving relationship between a mother and father. My mom&dad are definitely not right for each other. Theyre just not. My mom knows it, and in some sense my dad feels it but is reluctant to give up. Its sort of sad seeing this relationship at home. My mom turns my back on him, and he's just there hoping, she'll come join his side. Finally understand.

But thats the thing, they both don't understand each other.

Needs, wants, desires.

I dont want that. After all people change. I'm open to change, and there are chances that I will never be the same person he married. So what then? Divorce?

idk.

Strange.

I was thinking last week, and for some odd reason, i pictured myself happily married. And i definitely could see myself married with the person i love. (yea im a bit too young to think about this) But it dawned on me... Can i do it?

Im afraid of having one person know more than 50% of my life. Could i allow myself to let someone in 100%?

Youre leaving yourself vulnerable to them.

Its scary.

But then again, 10 years from now.. when im 28. (SHIT!) i dont want to wake up in bed alone. I dont want to go to bed alone either.

Even now, i wish i had someone next to me to nap with. To go discover random places with. Eat at new places. Work out together. Shop together. Watch old black and white films together.

I personally like spooning.

Hopefully, there will be someone to spoon with in the future :D