b-list

1. movie marathon
2. camping
3. learn to surf
4. semi road trip
5. lose 10 lbs
6. hollywood
7. change someones life
8. sauna
9. meet God
10. then.. meet a man? haha

I would like to reach a point in my life where i dont want anything. Where i'm content with the way things are going in my life and couldn't really ask for more. I dont want to be just satisfied.. satisfied sounds like "im good here, but i could have some more"

I'm almost there. I'm pretty content with the way things are with everything in my life. Except in 2 things. Sadly the thing i want a lot seems to hinder the thing i need to search for.
My journey seems to be going in circles.. all because of what. One man?

ew. Prioritize, priorityze

I know i cant handle a relationship righ now, but i cant help but want one. :(

Luckily for me, the more i talk to you, the less the like.

***

This Sunday i went to homeless after having been absent for.. about 2 years? I was shocked to get a call from the coordinator and how he remembered me and such. Well anyways, at the ceremony we had to give a testimony of how our lives changed and what we gained from this experience.

Personally, this change in me occured a long time ago.. and it faded. I didnt deserve this ceremony. Of course there is still a side of me that will always try to bless others as God blessed me, but... my motivation for such became dried. These people were staring at me, congratulating me, honoring me...

All i could think was,

What did i do for you? Ive been gone for 2 years, ive been living a hypocritical excess life. Im wasteful, Forgetful, and ungrateful.

What did you do for me?

You've opened my eyes and my heart to emotions and changes i never thought existed. You let me care. You allowed me to become appreciative.

So, what did i do for you?

i felt disgusted with myself afterwards.

Its so hard to change to world when im the only one changing for it. I wanna help. I wanna pour out my soul for them.

why me.