i am linked to my dad by blood and by money. There is no relationship that exists between us. And no matter how hard either one of us may try, I can't see beyond the way things are. And these are the way things are and have become.

In the 19 years that I've lived, I've learned to put up with his habits, his attitude, his failures, and most of all him. Everything is fake. Don't be fooled by what you see, because with 19 years I've learned to hide the bad with the good and the real with the fake.

I guess you could say, I'm good at what I practice. Good enough to even fool him.

The other day he said to me, 아빠 죽던살던 상간안하지?

At that moment, the only thing that answered in my mind was, 'yea, i really don't'

I'm a horrible daughter. I admit.

But he was a horrible father. And no matter how much he tries a part of me would rather choose to not forget and just continue hating him.

Why?

If I start to reciprocate his feelings and finally build a relationship with him.. then all the shit he put me through, all the crap I endured with him would amount to nothing.

How do you erase 17 years? I've lived those 17 years hating him, and without those 17 years who would I be?

Id rather just fake it, than to live it.